“Stop controlling yourself and succeed”

We are used to believing that a strong -willed person is one who shows character resistance, never retreats and goes to the set goal, no matter what. Psychologist Vladimir Shlyapnikov is sure that this look is outdated, and offers to weaken the grip and trust the natural course of things.

When I began to engage in the will, I asked people a simple question: “What does it mean to be a strong -willed person?»Once I received an accurate and concise answer: a tiny person rolls a huge stone uphill. The perseverance with which the Sisif once after time fulfills his meaningless and heavy feat, has become a metaphor for the will for many people. Nevertheless, this image has nothing to do with modern scientific ideas about the will. It’s time to destroy myths and look at the question in a new way.

make a wish

In my youth, every New Year I made a long list of desires, the fulfillment of which was to fundamentally change my life. Time passed, but life did not turn into a fairy tale. Why? I found the answer to this question in the works of the German psychologist x. Hekhausen and his colleagues.

In their experiments, they tried to change people’s lives for the better: to save them from bad habits, to teach to take care of health and well -being. Subjects were divided into two groups. The first group conducted traditional motivational training. The charismatic speaker from a high rostrum told experimental about the benefits of physical education and vitamin C, the dangers of smoking and fast food, about the need to use condoms and undergo annual medical examination. It worked, but to a certain limit. People left the classes inspired, full of plans to change their life for the better … from Monday. However, by Sunday, all good intentions were forgotten, only the bitterness of regret remained: “Again I could not do anything!”

In the second group, work was carried out differently. The subjects received clear instructions that, where and when they will change in their lives. Their motivation remained at the same level, but a clear plan of action appeared, which in the future provided real changes. The more accurate the plan, the more obvious the achievement.

The results of these studies indicate that one desire is not enough, especially when it comes to complex activities. For the embodiment of dreams, completely different psychological mechanisms are responsible for reality – volitional.

From early childhood, we are instilled in the idea that the cherished desires should be fulfilled almost by themselves. It’s time to get rid of this delusion. Beautiful pictures of the desired, but distant future is better to replace with clear plans and schemes that step by step will lead to a treasured goal.

Iron will

In one of the Moscow schools, I asked high school students who they consider a strong -willed person? To my surprise, the most popular answers were: Lenin, Stalin and Hitler! In the presentation of youth, a person needs a person to win, conquer, subordinate. A strong -willed person is a superman with an expressive chin, who holds his life in his hands tightly in his hands.

For many of us, will be associated with power and control. Nevertheless, the study of another German psychologist Yu. Kulia indicates that excessive self -control is far from the most effective way to regulate activity. The desire to achieve the goal at all costs often leads to the opposite result. The method of strong -willed regulation is more effective, based on the rejection of excessive control and reasonable distribution of resources between different goals and intentions.

How to make strong -willed regulation more efficiently? Analyze your life. Designate the spheres of increased control. Think, maybe it’s time to loosen the grip. If the fear of

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loss of control is too large, arrange for yourself “fasting days” once a month or once a week, trusting the natural course of things.

I can’t do it through!

Once, at the training of volitional regulation, one of the participants remarked in surprise: “I thought you would teach us how to take ourselves in the hedgehog mittens, but it turned out – the other way around”.

The will is always associated with effort – this is another common misconception that prevents us from achieving success and enjoying life. At a certain stage in adolescents, the experience of effort really becomes an integral part of the volitional action. This is due to the fact that the structures of volitional regulation at this age are not sufficiently formed, so the implementation of complex cases requires significant resources. Along with this, many researchers note that effective volitional regulation can work without effort. Of course, in a certain range, the force helps to achieve tangible results and move forward. Nevertheless, a significant effort will rather harm volitional regulation than the benefit.

Will is not a sledgehammer or a jack of a hammer, it rather resembles a complex tool that needs to be fined. Excessive efforts and overloads will quickly break it, and you will take time to restore. Never rape yourself! A good commander knows when to retreat. If the feeling of discomfort has become too intense, it is worth temporarily postponing the lesson and switch to another type of activity. Rest will help restore the forces spent and return to the resource state in which the work will be done better and faster.

Will can be pumped like a muscle

As studies show, many adolescents, trying to educate strong will, force themselves to engage in severe physical work. They sleep on naked boards, walk in cemeteries, punish themselves, depriving their favorite goodies or going to the cinema. Many believe that these exciting, but meaningless classes make will stronger. Nevertheless, all the attempts of researchers to find the “volitional muscle” were unsuccessful. Most likely, a universal volitional resource does not exist. For each type of activity, we have a unique functional system, in the work of which various mental processes take part.

Does this mean that volitional regulation cannot be improved? Not at all. If you want to have effective volitional regulation, pay attention to the development of universal skills useful in different activities. Learn to better understand yourself. Determine the conditions that will provide maximum efficiency for various activities. “Everything has its own time, and the time of any thing under the sky …” (Ecclesiast 3: 1) The better you understand “your time”, the greater results you can achieve.